***Diary of a lonely satellite*** I don't know what I'll en..

***Diary of a lonely satellite***

I don't know what I'll end up writing, but I felt like it. You don't have to read this honestly. Cause it will be long.

I felt like starting something that i ll probably forget soon enough.. or not. Who knows. Anyway, this is me. Raw me. Nothing spicy in it, apart from the brain. For who wants to take a trip down the rabbit hole.

Where do I start? Well, I guess with -I am lonely.

I feel always lonely, no matter the situation.
I feel like I never belong anywhere, like I never fit in anywhere. I feel astray. Like a lost satellite into space. I feel like I'm just orbiting around some planet called "life" and no matter how much i reach for it, or try to get into orbit, I just can't seem to grasp it.
Feels like I'm an alien wearing a human suit. Feel like I'm not supposed to be here.
Yet here I am.
Here, just watching life pass by, just watching time going day by day, week by week, month by month. And so on. Completely estranged to it, and tired of reaching for it, with no positive outcome.
People say, no man is an island. But i m no man, and I'm a damn useless lost satellite. At least that's how I feel.

I feel like I waste people's time and expectations... What's the point anyway? What's the point in spending time with me if I don't think like I even deserve it. Deserve to have all those expectations thrown onto me... As if there was actually hope in me being actually successful.
And no worries. If you wanna tell me to be grateful of what I have, just know that I truly am. But no matter how grateful I feel, that won't change my feelings of not belonging and not wanting to even belong anymore.. cause at the end of the day, all that I am grateful of, is to have found some coping mechanism, more than anything else. Yet, just cause I found a way to cope with this mean world, doesn't mean I wouldn't still very much prefer if I could just disappear into nothing.
As if nothing ever happened. Ad if I never existed. Just burst like a soap bubble and vanish into thin air.

This life is so hard to grasp, that really I don't think I want to anymore. Is so tiring and I am super tired already. Like worn out. To the bone almost..
So you see. When you feel this kinda lonely, and tired, really, is easy to just be wanting to drift away..
But anyway, going back to the fact that yet I m still here .. this is to say that what you'll read from me, is not a cry for help or a cry for a solution...
No. I have tried plenty things and most simply I accept that some people may just be walking this life, just because we have to. And we're trying our best really.
So this is me, this will be my view. My diary, my outlet.. my space... So that I can just drift freely around, stop reaching for planet life and just tell you how the view is from up here.

Is cold up here sometimes. Is cold cause my body is pretty inept into regulating my temperature and therefore I never feel the right temperature. Is so annoying. I like cold but i like stability in it. Can't be cold and then hot 2 mins after. Am not at that point of my drifting yet.

This is it I guess for now from the lost, drifting satellite.

Good night?