ever sleep for 24 hours cause you don’t wanna be awake? yeh ..

ever sleep for 24 hours cause you don’t wanna be awake? yeh same (if you don’t wanna know what’s been going on don’t read) i swear i need a mental health disclosure in my bio😂 shit like ‘sometimes i will breakdown and not reply for a few days’ ‘your custom may be delayed if i crash, can only film when manic’ or just ‘idk how to keep on top of all this whilst my life is on a downhill, but i’m doing my damn bestest to try’ not that anybody’s really demanding with stuff but i get myself SO worked up over nothing and if i’m manic i’ll take on more than i realise or can realistically do, and then i spend the week in rock bottom trying to film but getting nowhere cause im stressed and it’s casing me to be ‘puke shy’ and at the end of the day i’ve just wasted 5 hours setting up, getting ready, eating, filming, not getting anywhere so trying for like an hour (cutting my throat which ik i shouldn’t do) clean up the mess you’ve still made, stomach full of food, like ah fuck i’m nothing but behind, fucked my throat up for tomorrow and i’ve wasted my filming time( i live with my ‘family’ and there’s 5 of us, so i get one chance to film a day) so after that all i’m doing is beating myself up because i’m scared to post out of fear people think i’m ignoring, then i fear not posting cause well you pay for this so, then that turns into me feeling like i can’t do anything unless it’s going to film ‘said persons custom’ even though i know i should be rational, just communicate with the person who’s custom it is, explain what’s going on and hope they understand, if not send the money back and apologise but i seriously get so worked up and stressed and i hate it. just ends in me sitting crying cause i’m feel like i’m failing at life and i don’t have anybody to help. and now i’m thinking, marcy, why are you writing a whole ass para about your problems on a website that people pay to watch you be filthy on. but i don’t want people to think that i don’t care, i have better things to do, that i just want money or i’m scamming people off, i care so much it backfires and gets the best of me☹️ this isn’t supposed to be a sob story, i just felt like putting this on here is going to take a lift off my shoulders and let you know i aren’t trying to be a bitch or think i’m better, i have a poorly head sometimes☹️ if you read to the end, i seriously appreciate it , i’m sorry i aren’t the best at this, its all happened so fast i’m hella overwhelmed and still learning x